Let the Grapefruit games begin!

Wondering what those Phillies have been up to? This morning I paid a visit to some old friends that I hadn't seen in a while, the parts of the internet that still care about the well-being of this city's baseball team - you know, because they're paid to. Between headlines that were all like "Chase is totally fine! Don't even worry about it!" was one that read "Amaro's nephew helps University of Tampa beat Phillies". That's right. A team of fresh-faced college boys led by a young Amaro from Bensalem beat the 2015 Phillies. 

My thoughts raced as I clicked from sad news story to sad news story. How is the Amaro bloodline responsible for exhibition losses that even today's Phillies, predicted to be the worst in baseball, are supposed to win? Hold up, Baseball Prospectus. Even worse than the stinkin' Astros? I read that some dude that calls himself Mattress Mack lost 4-million furniture store bucks in a bet last year when the Astros won a rare "more than 63 games".

Is this what we've become? I bet if J-Roll was still here with his crystal ball and cool ego, he'd be all like, "We'll win 80 games. Well, maybe 75." Wait, what's that, ESPN? After spending years, antagonizing New York Mets fans with his swagger, Jimmy was recently caught saying that a future with the Muts would be "pretty bright". Well, he always did look good in shades.

Back to the Phillies. Things start in the Grapefruit League today against the Yankees. In reality, spring training doesn't matter too much. The Phillies are probably delaying what baseball statisticians and fans alike see as the inevitable. I'm just happy that baseball is being played, and as people say, anything can happen. A chain-smoking Tony Danza once brought the Anaheim Angels a pennant title, and the University of Tampa beat a major-league ball club just two days ago.

The future of the Phillies may not be as bright as J-Roll's, but I'm doing my best to get through my baseball seasonal affective disorder through some good old-fashioned writing about my feelings. I implore you all to do the same to get through this winter of bleak predictions. Until then, I apologize for not having posted since Cliff Lee's arm thawed out last year and leave you with an Instagram photo I took at the ballpark this summer, appropriately hashtagged #philliesneorealism:

Now, let's root, root, root for the Phillies and that Mattress Mack makes a bet against our future sometime soon. 

This Just In: Professionals Still Somewhat Better Than Amateurs!

Baseball's back! In an exhibition game yesterday, the Phillies beat the Florida State Seminoles 6-1. The game was tied until the seventh inning which started with back-to-back hits by Pete Orr and Eric Kratz. Other highlights of the game included the first hit of the season for the Phillies by some dude named Tuffy Gosewisch, Hector Luna's two-run blast, and eight scoreless innings pitched by young arms hoping for AAA date cards. From the regular guys, Hunter Pence chimed in with a double in the fourth inning and Domonic Brown hit Big Truck's big truck during batting practice earlier in the day.

I know, I know. Exhibition games against college teams don't really matter to anyone outside of that young or old pitcher given a shot at the majors and the 2009 Manatee Community College baseball team that beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 6-4. I'm just happy to read a fresh box score.

Tune in this Saturday as the Phillies take on the Yankees who once played an exhibition game against my own hometown's heroes, the 1947 Waterbury Timers. It won't be '47 Phil Rizzuto, Yogi Berra, and Joltin' Joe or the '09 Manatees against Cole and the Gang, but it'll still be a good sneak peek of baseball to come!

Any predictions on who will be the team to beat in 2012? Greg Dobbs has already done J-Roll's whole "we're the team to beat" schtick which I'm pretty sure won't work twice. Leave it in the comments!

The Red Death

Patella tendinitis. Biceps tendinitis. Fractured hamate bones. Overextended elbows. Oh, how the mighty are falling.

Chase Utley's sidelined "indefinitely", Lights Out Lidge's arm went out, and Placido Polanco hurt his elbow swinging a bat in yesterday's win against the Toronto Blue Jays. This is looking all too familiar to the injury plague of 2010. Now that the oldest team in baseball has tacked on another year, it's just a matter of time before more hips and backs are thrown out. Even young and once hopeful prospect Domonic Brown hurt his wrist in his first spring training hit against the Pittsburgh Pirates, a team that makes money off of losing. The season hasn't even started yet, and the Red Death seems inevitable.

At least Life Alert, the "I've fallen and I can't get up!" company, might have found itself a valuable new market in the 2011 Phillies:

All Philadelphia Phillies should have Life Alert.

On second thought, maybe there needs to be a system in place that contacts Phillies fans every time a player gets injured - you know, to keep us all grounded.

Roy O Takes On the O's

Listen live as the Phillies take on the Orioles in a free webcast. Yes, 2010 MLB subscribers who should have renewed their subscriptions yesterday and cheapskates accustomed to following cartoon games on MLB Gameday, I'm serious. As for Roy O, not so serious:

Charles Schwab and Rich Dubee getting Roy O'd—still funny after all these beers. We should probably have a Photoshop contest now of different people getting Roy O'd, if someone hasn't done that already.

And while Nadine's talking baseball, which we so rarely do, how many games will Little Roy win this year? How will the aces rank by the end of the season? Discuss.

Matt F***ing Anderson

Matt Anderson was a #1 draft pick in 1997. Chain wallets and JNCO (Judge None, Choose One) jeans were all the rage and "MMMBop" was at the top of the charts. Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear off and people thought that creepy dancing baby on Ally McBeal was entertainment. It makes you wonder, VH1, if anyone outside of Matt Anderson truly did love 1997.

My point is that while the strange time in American history known as the late 90s is long gone, Matt Anderson threw a perfect inning for the Phillies yesterday in their 6-3 win over the Toronto Blue Jays. The 34-year-old right-hander recorded one strikeout and hit 96 mph on the radar gun. After the game, he told reporters, "I figure I've still got a 103, 104, 105 left in me. I'm pretty excited about where I'm at."

Anderson was signed to a minor-league deal with the Phillies this past January, hasn't pitched in the majors since 2005, and hopes to eventually resign with "the best organization in baseball."

If this Cinderella story does come true, it'll be proof that Kenny Powers isn't the only one with the keys to the kingdom and an arm like a cannon, and an inspiration to us all.



In other news, Joe Blanton can pitch, Ben Francisco can hit, Chase Utley's prone to injury, and Cliff Lee is pitching today at 1:05 pm ET versus the Detroit Tigers. For those who won't be watching while they work, the saga continues with a replay at 8:00 pm.

Breaking News: Professionals Better Than Amateurs

Phinally!

And so it begins. In an exhibition game this afternoon, the Phillies beat Florida State University 8-0, scoring 8 runs off 11 hits. Drew Naylor started for the Phils and picked up the win. The real stuff—and April 1st—can't come soon enough.

And here's your chance to make a prediction for the 2011 season: how many games will Cole Hamels win this year? Go!

Pumping Up with Domonic Brown

“Physically and mentally, I’m ready to go. I’d run through a wall right now," Brown says.

Dom, in the heated competition to fill Jayson Werth's cleats, says that he's "ready to win this job." Here are some reasons why Uncle Cholly should give the boy a red rose come opening day—or a butterscotch krimpet, whichever you prefer:

• Husband material! The man's dedicated to his sport. Dom's been kickin' it in Clearwater since December.

• He admits when he's wrong! Brown on the end of last year's season: "I'm not a guy at all to make excuses. I just went down there and played bad."

• He's good at fixing things! He's been working on his swing, mainly on not starting with the bat so high above his head.

• Girly-man no more! Since we saw him last, Dom's bulked up, adding a 10 pound wall of pure muscle to his boyish physique.

What will happen come April 1st? Will Dom Brown win his spot as a starting outfielder through perfecting his swing and running through walls? Or will he find himself alone on his little girly bench? Tune in for an all new season to find out! On right after Cholly Millionaire.

Starting Rotation Press Conference Recap

In case you didn't catch it, a live press conference with the Phillies starting rotation aired today at 1:30 EST. A transcript is available here. I did my best to "liveblog" the conference on my twitter, while semi-discreetly watching from my desk. Here's what went through my head:

Let's make the Sad Joe Blanton emoticon a thing.

Image from the Fightin' Phils Tumblr. Says it all.

A few other things stood out for me: first, I'm  thrilled with the continued emphasis on CBP's unique vibes and how much they cater to our starters' competitive natures, helping already insanely talented players step up their games. Say what you want about the Philly Phaithful, but that's an unfuckwithable fact. I was also happy to hear—especially since I live in New York—that they've noticed and appreciate the loyal fans who follow them to other cities (even if the last time I saw the Phils play at CitiField I was in the very, very last row of the very, very upper deck).

Cliff Lee emerged as a spokesman for the group, fielding the most direct questions and handling any that no one else immediately stepped up to answer, crackin' jokes about his hitting ability, making goofy faces (see above). Charisma much?! Honestly, I wasn't surprised Cliff was the center of attention but I was shocked by how verbose he was. Who knew our boy could talk that much? I wonder if Cliff's famous love affair with Philadelphia is what earned him this place in the spotlight, or if it's just the natural result of coming #2 to man-of-no-words Roy Halladay. Also interesting was Cliff's assertion that feeling challenged by his fellow starters is not an incentive; he wants to feel competition from other teams only—not from his teammates (not exactly what I would've expected).

On that tip, it seems R2C2 is out and our rotation is in search of a more appropriate nickname, one that includes all five of its formidable arms. Ideas? Leave 'em in the comments.

Aack! Happy Pitchers and Catchers Day!

It's about goddamn time! This sweet graphic with hints of the boss's first album was posted by the folks over at Beerleaguer. Not to be a total girl or anything, but it is Valentine's Day weekend and the only thing that's keeping me from turning into a Cathy cartoon right now is listening to Bruce's "It's Hard To Be A Saint In The City" in my Cliff Lee tee while fantasizing about winding arms and popping gloves.

I bet that Cliff Lee could walk like Brando right into the sun, then dance just like a Casanova. Just look at the man! Swoon.