This Just In: Professionals Still Somewhat Better Than Amateurs!

Baseball's back! In an exhibition game yesterday, the Phillies beat the Florida State Seminoles 6-1. The game was tied until the seventh inning which started with back-to-back hits by Pete Orr and Eric Kratz. Other highlights of the game included the first hit of the season for the Phillies by some dude named Tuffy Gosewisch, Hector Luna's two-run blast, and eight scoreless innings pitched by young arms hoping for AAA date cards. From the regular guys, Hunter Pence chimed in with a double in the fourth inning and Domonic Brown hit Big Truck's big truck during batting practice earlier in the day.

I know, I know. Exhibition games against college teams don't really matter to anyone outside of that young or old pitcher given a shot at the majors and the 2009 Manatee Community College baseball team that beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 6-4. I'm just happy to read a fresh box score.

Tune in this Saturday as the Phillies take on the Yankees who once played an exhibition game against my own hometown's heroes, the 1947 Waterbury Timers. It won't be '47 Phil Rizzuto, Yogi Berra, and Joltin' Joe or the '09 Manatees against Cole and the Gang, but it'll still be a good sneak peek of baseball to come!

Any predictions on who will be the team to beat in 2012? Greg Dobbs has already done J-Roll's whole "we're the team to beat" schtick which I'm pretty sure won't work twice. Leave it in the comments!

Lights Out Lidge

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008. Was it all a dream? Now that Brad Lidge has officially signed a one-year deal with the Washington Nationals, that final knees-to-the-ground, hands-to-the-sky World Series win against the Rays seems like a distant memory.

In his four seasons with the Phillies, Lidge racked up 100 saves, mostly thanks to that perfect 48-for-48 2008. While Lidge is "disappointed" that the Phillies are not keeping him around for another season, it's almost fitting that out of all of Game 5's strange heroes, he's the last to fade from the sandlot, Citizen's Bank Park, after giving Eric Hinske the slider.

Lidge's fate with Jayson Werth on the Phillies South doesn't seem so bad when you look at who else was partially responsible for that Game 5 win. When the game resumed that Wednesday, tied in the bottom of the sixth, Geoff Jenkins set the tone for paradin' with a lead off double, his only hit of the post-season, and was later scored by Werth. The Rays then quickly retied the game in the top of the seventh only to have Pat Burrell lead off the bottom of the seventh with another double. Eric Bruntlett, pinch-running for Pat the Bat, was then scored on a game-winning single by Pedro Feliz.

Where are they now? Pat Burrell went on to play the role of "The Machine" for Brian Wilson. Eric Bruntlett, whose batting average was often announced on a local radio show whenever it was, give or take 10 minutes, around 2:15 P.M. BST (Bruntlett Standard Time), is now kickin' it as a stay-at-home dad. And Pedro Feliz spent last summer across the bridge playing ball for the Camden Riversharks, a team not affiliated with the MLB, but affiliated with a mascot known as Mr. Trash.

As for Lidge, he's earned himself a certain level of respect/free-drinks-until-you-die in Philadelphia because of 2008 - he and the anxiety that so easily forced another round of drinks on an entire city whenever he put runners on base in the ninth only to strike out the last batter with his slider. Even in Game 5, he quickly gave up a single and a stolen base only to "lights out" Hinske. It makes you wonder if Philly losing Lidge will offset the revenue that's expected to be generated from the proposed plan of keeping bars open one hour later to fund the city's schools. No one gave the city agita like Brad Lidge. He kept us nervous, and it made everything more exciting. On that note, I'd like to end with something I jotted down in an old notebook on "October 16, 2009":

I had my first “Lights Out” Lidge shot last night. A glass of Jim Beam slid down the bar and unexpectedly slowed to a stop in front of me. The guy to my right, covered in Phillies red from head to toe, looked deep into my eyes and shouted, “Lights Out Lidge! C’mon, lady!” We hit our glasses on the bar, cheersed, and Brad Lidge successfully closed out Game 1 of the NLCS against the Dodgers.

Brad Lidge, I will think of you every time that nervous knot forms in the pit of my stomach, the one that's only quieted by one more beer or an end of the night shot with some random stranger who works at the airport.

Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

All the Young Dudes

Young bucks Vance Worley, 23, Michael Stutes, 24, and Antonio Bastardo, 25, gave up one run and five hits total last night to the Boston Red Sox, currently the best hitting team in baseball. After Worley went seven innings against the Beantown sluggers, Stutes went 1-2-3 in the eighth. Bastardo then saved the day for the third time this year as he got the scariest dudes in the lineup to pop-up to end the game, Soda Popinski, Big Papi, and Jarrod Saltalamacchia who has the longest last name in baseball history and is nicknamed "Salty". Wicked pissah!


Who would have thought that these young guns formerly of the AAA Iron Pigs would have brought the Phillies to a halfway point record of 51-30 with a 2-1 win against the Sox? Me, maybe, and the bullpen coach Mick Billmeyer who has now deemed himself "Head Hog." I've been rooting for Worley and Stutes from the beginning. I've also had my eye on Antonio Bastardo since my boyfriend's not-always-politically-correct and very Italian step-dad turned to me on Easter Sunday and said, "Hey! That Bastard guy's pretty all right." Oh, and don't worry. I'm going to respect my elders here too. Big ups to old man Raul Ibanez who went 3-3 with 2 RBIs last night. Wicked pissah!

While I love good baseball, I hate to admit that I'm just not that into Vance Worley's new nickname, the Vanimal, which is—I kid you not—stitched into his glove. My buddy and I have been calling him "King of the Bog" since I first posted about Worley, which is about as good as the nickname "Salty." Can't we come up with something better for Vance Worley the Great?

And while my New England roots hate to admit it, saying "Wicked pissah!" is damn fun. What would be the Philly equivalent? I've heard Nadine scream "Zenga!" before, but I'm not sure that's actually a thing.

Clifton Phifer Lee

I don't really know what to say, so I hope this says it all: CLIFTON!

Clifton "My Dream Dude" Phifer Lee. Three consecutive shut-outs. 33 straight scoreless innings. In the month of June, he's held opponents to a .152 average while batting .250 himself—allowing just one earned run and picking up 2 RBIs.

It's clear that Cliff prefers the National League game (who can forget that game back in May when Charlie had to actually pull Cliff out of the batter's box, because he'd chosen to ignore the fact that he was being taken out for a pinch-hitter?). Watching him pitch to Beckett last night, I could've sworn I caught a glimpse of disdain in Cliff's eyes. Like, dude, how pathetic is it that you let David Ortiz bat for you? I wonder if his multiple displays of badassery against the Yankees in the 2009 World Series (see above) were also due, at least in part, to this sense of superiority over the American League? All I can say is, I'm glad Clifton Phifer Lee would prefer to play in our league. And I'm sure all of Philadelphia would say the same.

Dear Cliff,

Uh, gee. Gosh. Golly. Goddamn. I don't even know. Just, like, THANK YOU for coming back to Philadelphia. Thank you so much.

Love,

Nadine

Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From Mike Stutes' Twitter

Since his call-up to the show on April 25th, relief pitcher Michael Stutes has been causing quite a stir in Philadelphia. The former Oregon Beaver and newly-added member of the Sunnydale Razorbacks is 1-0, recording 22 strikeouts in 21.2 innings pitched and picking up his first major league win against Felix Hernandez. He’s also half of a dynamic duo—along with Glourious Antonio Bastardo—of young relievers bringing life to an injury-plagued and aging Phillies bullpen, which started the season with Jose “I’m 39” Contreras as its closer.

Standing 6’1 and sporting Lincecum-esque shaggy brown hair, this obvious native of the Pacific Northwest has been charming the citizens of Philadelphia and seems to have won a regular spot in the bullpen, at least for now. He won me over when, asked if he adopted a particular strategy against the Cubs’ lineup, Stutes responded, “no, I just trust Chooch.” Wise words, young Stutes. Wise words indeed.

As of this weekend, Michael Stutes will be sharing his wise words with all of us, through his brand new Twitter account (@mikestutes). Luckily for you, I already read all 78 of the tweets (mostly direct responses to questions from fans) that Stutes posted during his flight from Philly to St. Louis on Sunday night, so you don’t have to. Here is some of what I’ve learned so far:

6/19, 7:29 pm: He is considering cutting his hair.
6/19, 9:06 pm: Maybe he'll cut it during the World Series parade and donate it to Locks of Love. Way to jinx us, Stutes.

6/19, 9:22 pm: He doesn’t know what “hipster music” is.

6/19, 9:27 pm: RYAN MADSON HAS A MOUSTACHE TATTOO ON HIS FINGER. (AND ACCORING TO STUTES, IT’S REAL.)

6/19, 9:40 pm: Stutes takes his glove off after every pitch as part of his routine, and has somehow never noticed he did it until now.

6/19, 10:02 pm: His favorite band is Sublime.

6/19, 10:37 pm: His dog is named Rugby. (Cute!)

Tonight Roy Halladay and the Phillies face the Pujols-less Cardinals at Busch Stadium. I wonder if Stutes will be updating his Twitter from the bullpen?

I Got 99 Problems But a Pitch Ain't One

It looks like I have the Kyle Kendrick ticket package again this season, what would have been the Joe Blanton ticket package if Big Joe wasn't sent to the DL. :(= Now I know what you're thinking, and I once thought it too. If you were me, you'd want to see anyone other than the guy that Joe Blanton beat out to become fifth wheel to the Four Aces. You know, one of those four dudes that appear on those sweet "99 PROBLEMS BUT A PITCH AIN'T ONE" tees sold outside of the stadium. Well, guess what? I've seen some of those guys. I was freezing my butt off when Cole Hamels gave up a quick six runs in his season debut, a 7-1 loss to the Mets. Oh, and that terrible 9-0 loss to the Brewers with Halladay on the mound? That "two-hit atrocity"? I was there. In fact, up until I was recently cursed with tickets to Kendrick games, I was convinced that I was a curse to the Phillies altogether, the jinx whose mere presence could turn an ace into a joker, making pitching problem #100 for Phillies fans everywhere.

So being 0-2 with the Phillies at home with now 9-3 Halladay and 9-2 Hamels, I wasn't thrilled when I found out that my first game at the ballpark with fellow lady of Scoring Position, Nadine, would be one hot date with Kyle Kendrick. Yes, we're talking the same Kyle Kendrick that gave up five quick runs to Old Man Giambi and the Brewers shortly after his World Series ring was found in a Mentos container at the bottom of a swamp, the same Kyle Kendrick that currently has a Facebook page with 260 fans that only seem to comment on how much he blows or spam his wall with quick ways to make $4000/month working from home. Sad, yes. What was sadder was that the night before last Thursday's game with Nadine, I wishfully dreamt that Kyle Kendrick was sent to the DL and Vance Worley would be taking his place on the mound. This was no prophetic dream. (Side note: dream psychology tells me that I dreamt this because I needed to work through a problem. Even Freud proposed that dreams exist to fulfill our wishes to see Vance Worley over Kyle Kendrick. Too bad thinking in reality doesn't work this way. Am I right?)

Kyle Kendrick was to take the mound at 7:05. What were two gals to do? Drink some beer and bank on a stroke of genius, I guess. After throwing back a couple at some 420-themed beer event at the South Philly Tap Room before the game, it finally came to us! We decided that we could either go about our fate like every other Philadelphian and complain about not getting Roy Halladay or Cliff Lee, or we could, for just one day, be Kyle Kendrick's biggest and loudest fans. Maybe the trippy black light posters covering the bar's walls were giving us strange vibes or maybe we had been slipped something, but what was to follow was truly magical.

Kyle Kendrick pitched an awesome three innings, leaving a big fat 0 on the board for the Cubs. Nadine and I even convinced the middle-aged ladies from the Northeast sitting next to us to jump on the Kyle Kendrick bandwagon. Clad in Phillies pink, they became even more obnoxious than us every time Kendrick through a strike. Kyle Kendrick had it together, and I thought my losing streak with the Phillies was finally coming to a close. Cue a montage of Kendrick putting people away to his warm up music, "Been Caught Stealing" by Jane's Addiction:

Is this a reference to catching people on base or the discovery of Kyle's stolen World Series ring?

Then tornado-like winds ripped through the stadium, and after a one hour rain delay, Kyle Kendrick was inexplicably taken out. The Phillies were up 3-0, and Baez was on the mound. Even Nadine and I could not get behind that. What was to follow can only be explained by the workings of a curse. The game dragged on, and the Phillies remained hitless since J-Roll's three-run homer in the second inning. Ryan Madson blew his first save in 15 opportunities. In my mind, this all happened while Nadine and I were dancing and singing to "Don't Stop Believing" with our new gal pals from the Northeast. Charlie even argued his way into getting one of the home runs Madson gave up reversed to turn everything back into a tie game, yet the Phillies still managed to blow it. Herndon was not pinch-hit for with the bases loaded in the 10th. He struck out scared and swinging. Polanco made a rare throwing error at third in the 11th to allow the winning run for the Cubs to score. Was this just bad baseball or the result of a higher power?

I honestly believe that had Kyle Kendrick stayed in that night, the curse would have been lifted. Instead, I had to wait until Kendrick's next start against the Marlins. Watching from the 400 level with six friends, I saw Kendrick throw an amazing seven-inning one-run performance. Someone even started shouting, "You just got 'dricked!" every time Kyle put up a K. The Phillies cruised past the Marlins 8-1. Since that game, the Phillies have won in extra innings on a Chooch walk off, Cliff Lee pitched a two-hit shutout while racking up two hits and an RBI, and Vance Worley has magically returned from the AAA Iron Pigs. Sure, we lost last night, but you can't win them all.

Vance Worley's starting in tonight's game against the Mariners which might make me one of the few that ever had the Kyle Kendrick ticket package at all. Who knows what'll happen to Kendrick now? Maybe he'll split starts with Worley or maybe he'll return to the 'pen as the Phillies' much needed longman. Say what you will about the man, but first let me say this. It's probably the first time these words have ever been put together in the English language.

I am thankful for Kyle Kendrick.

Oh My God! You Mean That's the Same Guy?

I thought I was hallucinating when I woke up on my couch to the fuzz of the Phillies game still blaring through my radio. While I had dozed in and out, the Phillies had stayed in it. The Reds had too. For 18 innings. At this point in the game, Chooch was playing third, Polly was playing second, and Wilson Valdez was taking the mound against the meat and potatoes of the Reds' lineup: Joey Votto, Scott Rolen, Jay Bruce.

Is this all a dream? Is Roy Oswalt in left field right now?

The announcers told me it was all real. Well, everything except for that part about Roy O. After the Phillies had used up their entire bullpen, utility infielder Wilson Valdez was called in to pitch. He went on to throw a hitless 19th against batters 3, 4, 5, and 6 for the Reds. His fastball even clocked in around 90 mph. The Phillies went on to score on a walk-off sac-fly by Raul Ibanez. Valdez earned the win, a 0.00 ERA, and a pie to the face after having pitched last in a 2002 pickup game in the Dominican Republic. Oh, and Valdez went 3-for-6 at the plate. And hit Scott Rolen with a pitch.

God, I love baseball.

Fun fact: The last time a position player started a game in the field and came away with a win was October 1, 1921. That player was none other than the Sultan of Swat, the King of Crash, the Collossus of Clout, Babe Ruth. THE GREAT BAMBINO! So I guess that means that by the transitive powers of baseball, Wilson Valdez equals George Herman Ruth.

For those who slept through the excitement, a recap and video are available here.

Vance Worley, Man of Mystery

They have to be running out of room in the Phillies infirmary! Joe Blanton, the fifth ace, is the most recent addition to the DL as a result of a medial impingement of the right elbow. Yeah, that's Big Joe's thowing elbow. Maybe this explains why he's been off to such a rough start with the Phils. :(=

As a result, the Phillies will be calling up 23-year-old right-hander Vance Worley to the big leagues to face Mike Pelfry and the Muts tonight. Just who is this Vance Worley? I do hear that he's been playing some great Triple-A ball for the Iron Pigs. Whoever he is, he might have a chance to become the most famous Vance ever as the list of famous Vances is short. This is probably because Vance is from the Old English meaning "dweller of a bog."

More old school Reading Phils cards here!

On New Pitches and Mental Conspiracies

We've told you before about Roy Oswalt's superpowers, but did you know that Roy O is also an inventor? Desperate to get out of a 14-pitch at-bat (including 9 fouled-off pitches) last night to Juan Uribe, Oswalt invented a new pitch, changing the grip on his slider to confound Uribe and finally strike him out. Ultimately, Oswalt combined with David Herndon, Antonio Bastardo, and Jose Contreras to shut out the Padres and bring the Phillies' record to 12-6. You can read more about the Uribe at-bat here.

It's great to know we have secret super-geniuses, robots, and the coolest man on the planet pitching for us, but it would be really great if our offense would step it up and let these dudes get a second to chill out on the mound once in a while. Like, maybe by not stranding a runner in scoring position every now and again? That said, I was happy to see solo homers from Ben Francisco and Brian Schneider, as well as Plácido Polanco continuing to make his case for most-underratedly-awesome Phillie and one of my all-time favorite baseball names. Let's hope we see more of that going forward. And maybe next time, like, one of those home runs could come while somebody's on base? Please?

Speaking of Brian Schneider, do you think if I followed him home after the game, he'd lead me to a pot of gold? Looks like a leprechaun to me! Who else sees the leprechaun? Say yeah!!!!!

It's like we've been trying to tell you: these 2011 Phillies just aren't human. MENTAL CONSPIRACY! BLAH BLAH!

The Sound and Soul of Philadelphia

On this day in 1974, "TSOP (The Sound of Philadelphia)" by MFSB featuring the Three Degrees hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100—brought to my attention by this A.V. Club article written by my good friend Kate. You know, the theme song from the television show Soul Train that's also played at CBP before the start of every home game? Yeah, this jam:


After reading Kate's description of the tune, it's hard not to draw parallels between Philly soul and our current team of Fightin' Phils:

Though vocals appear on the track twice—The Three Degrees sing “People all over the world!” a few times near the beginning, echoing “Love Train,” and then chorus “Let’s get it on/It’s time to get down” during the fadeout—the focus is clearly on the instruments, which is exactly what made Philly soul special. The lack of a standard frontman crooning in the spotlight was a microcosm of the scene at the time—its strength was cooperation and collaboration.

While mathematics predicts that we will have one of the best four-man pitching rotations in MLB history :(=, recent history suggests that "Chooooooooch is clutch," and my memory tells me that Ryan Howard looks awesome in these goggles, it's difficult to come up with a "standard frontman" for the Phillies. Pretty much everyone has been important so far. The focus is clearly on the instruments, which is exactly what makes our current Phillies team so special.

That's not to discount the role of the city in helping produce a groove that works - like what the Funkadelic talk about in their One Nation Under a Groove album, which even ends with a song called "Cholly (Funk Getting Ready To Roll!)." (It's like George Clinton foresaw the makeup of Uncle Cholly's present day Phillies!) While sitting outside a coffee shop in my neighborhood the other day, I overheard an interesting conversation about just this point—cities, like people and Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, have soul too. This is all secondhand coffee talk, but I couldn't help but be intrigued by this dude's theory that how much soul a city has depends on two things: how many people from a city still live there to have memories about the city and how neurotically-obsessed people are with their city.

The fact that the Sound of Philadelphia is still honored on CBP's speakers taken with the current paranoia brewing among Phillies fans about when it's okay and not okay to boo can't help but make me think that Philadelphia has the most soul of all.

Matt F***ing Anderson

Matt Anderson was a #1 draft pick in 1997. Chain wallets and JNCO (Judge None, Choose One) jeans were all the rage and "MMMBop" was at the top of the charts. Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield's ear off and people thought that creepy dancing baby on Ally McBeal was entertainment. It makes you wonder, VH1, if anyone outside of Matt Anderson truly did love 1997.

My point is that while the strange time in American history known as the late 90s is long gone, Matt Anderson threw a perfect inning for the Phillies yesterday in their 6-3 win over the Toronto Blue Jays. The 34-year-old right-hander recorded one strikeout and hit 96 mph on the radar gun. After the game, he told reporters, "I figure I've still got a 103, 104, 105 left in me. I'm pretty excited about where I'm at."

Anderson was signed to a minor-league deal with the Phillies this past January, hasn't pitched in the majors since 2005, and hopes to eventually resign with "the best organization in baseball."

If this Cinderella story does come true, it'll be proof that Kenny Powers isn't the only one with the keys to the kingdom and an arm like a cannon, and an inspiration to us all.



In other news, Joe Blanton can pitch, Ben Francisco can hit, Chase Utley's prone to injury, and Cliff Lee is pitching today at 1:05 pm ET versus the Detroit Tigers. For those who won't be watching while they work, the saga continues with a replay at 8:00 pm.

Starting Rotation Press Conference Recap

In case you didn't catch it, a live press conference with the Phillies starting rotation aired today at 1:30 EST. A transcript is available here. I did my best to "liveblog" the conference on my twitter, while semi-discreetly watching from my desk. Here's what went through my head:

Let's make the Sad Joe Blanton emoticon a thing.

Image from the Fightin' Phils Tumblr. Says it all.

A few other things stood out for me: first, I'm  thrilled with the continued emphasis on CBP's unique vibes and how much they cater to our starters' competitive natures, helping already insanely talented players step up their games. Say what you want about the Philly Phaithful, but that's an unfuckwithable fact. I was also happy to hear—especially since I live in New York—that they've noticed and appreciate the loyal fans who follow them to other cities (even if the last time I saw the Phils play at CitiField I was in the very, very last row of the very, very upper deck).

Cliff Lee emerged as a spokesman for the group, fielding the most direct questions and handling any that no one else immediately stepped up to answer, crackin' jokes about his hitting ability, making goofy faces (see above). Charisma much?! Honestly, I wasn't surprised Cliff was the center of attention but I was shocked by how verbose he was. Who knew our boy could talk that much? I wonder if Cliff's famous love affair with Philadelphia is what earned him this place in the spotlight, or if it's just the natural result of coming #2 to man-of-no-words Roy Halladay. Also interesting was Cliff's assertion that feeling challenged by his fellow starters is not an incentive; he wants to feel competition from other teams only—not from his teammates (not exactly what I would've expected).

On that tip, it seems R2C2 is out and our rotation is in search of a more appropriate nickname, one that includes all five of its formidable arms. Ideas? Leave 'em in the comments.

Reality Check

The signing of Cliff Lee is undeniably awesome. I doubt any city (or person, as in, um, myself) has ever had such an intense, whirlwind love affair with a particular professional athlete—been so heartbroken to see him go and overjoyed at the Christmas miracle of his return. Of course it's great. But in the midst of all the kissing and making up and making out that's been going on, a few of the less heartwarming points have been left out of the picture. As great as it is to have Mr. Lee back home in Philly, his addition doesn't exactly fill any holes in the Phillies' roster. With three aces, we don't really need a fourth. What we were missing was the right-handed power bat of Cliff's bitter buddy Jayson Werth (U MAD).

Like I said, I don't particularly care to wade through the depths of obscure statistics and look up each dude's VORP or whatever else might be relevant to this comparison. But what I do find troubling is Ruben Amaro Jr.'s assertion, at Tuesday's press conference, that starting pitching is what wins championships.

Anyone who watched the Phillies battle the Giants in this year's NLCS and who is familiar with one "rodeo clown Cody Ross" knows that starting pitching did not win those games. Starting pitching on either side was mediocre at best. Doc's second outing only seemed to live up to his legend once we realized he was playing hurt, and the Giant's Snivellus Snape didn't work all that much of his dark magic.

What won a championship for SF was a couple of bearded bullpen creeps and inexplicably hot bats.

Who knows how this will all actually play out, but it does beg a few questions. Will some combination of Dom Brown/Ben Francisco/Ross Gload make up for the loss of Jayson Werth? I wouldn't screenprint too many of those "R2C2" novelty t-shirts; I'm not completely convinced either Roy Oswalt or Cole Hamels is here to stay.