Broadcast News: Wheels Rollin' on out, Sarge to Hang up Hat

Longtime Phillies broadcaster Chris Wheeler is officially leaving the booth after nearly four decades according to the AP. Sarge will also be hanging up one of his many hats as the Phillies color analyst. We'll always have the memories - like that time maracas were more exciting than a Marlins game or Chase Utley called Wheels "Muff". Oh, and of course:

Phillies fans have been tuning out the television broadcasters in favor of the radio guys for years. There's even a movement to get Franzke and LA on the boob tube. I don't know about you, but I can't picture either hamming it up with Gregg Murphy reporting from no man's land or Captain Obvious, T-Mac. Plus, Todd Zolecki's reporting that they're staying put on the AM/FM waves.

Who will replace Wheels and Sarge? Will they bring in a woman? Will she know her stuff? What will happen to the Sarge Said What? Twitter account? Tune in this season to find out, or just keep the radio on.

To Dream the Impossible Dream

I've been thinking in numbers for months now. How many games would the Phillies have to win and the rest of the National League have to lose to make the dream of a wild card less impossible?

Thanks to the Marlins gettin' 'dricked  last night (along with errbody that has faced "Ace 38" lately), the Phillies are now five games back from that one-game wild card showdown at dusk. They've improved to 70-71 after taking 13 of the last 17 and winning their last five.

What's next, you ask? Two more games against Nadine's ex-boyfriend Greg Dobbs and the Tired of Fightin' Fish, a four-game series with the already eliminated Astros, and three games versus the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Muts. Then, it's make-or-break, baby, with the Braves at home. Well, maybe. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so scared.

While the Phillies have no room for error with a current 1.5 percent chance of making the playoffs, that old Phillies magic has been in the air lately. I sang "High Hopes" in the ballpark twice on Sunday. The doubleheader sweep of the Rockies included both a classic John Mayberry Jr. walk-off and the return of Chooch that, with the help of Phil Collins and his 2-for-2 bat, kept an entire stadium on its feet. One more round of beers, please. High fives all around. How could you not get a little high on Phillies hope? Even Scott Franzke was made a believer during last night's radio broadcast, saying to a hopeful LA, "Well, they've not been mathematically eliminated."

It's not over until it is, or something like that. I'm just happy that the Phillies are one away from being at .500 for the first time since June 4. All they need is:

Too little, too late, or is it? Ain't that what baseball's all about?

The Old Main Drag

What do you call it when your heart gets broken three times in one night? In this town, usually May or October.

Philadelphia sports radio sounds like a crisis hotline right now with hints of Delilah After Dark. It's heartbroken caller after caller trying to piece together what went wrong. If only WIP could play Mr. Mister's "Broken Wings" for Gerry from Mount Laurel who's still not over Bryz scoring on himself or for poor Joe Blanton. :(=

Who's on your heart today? The Flyers? The Phillies? The 10 points in a quarter-9-8-76ers?

I still can't believe how ugly and well staggered the upsets were. There was no way out of not getting kicked repeatedly mob-style after the Flyers came up short. Change the channel. The Phillies are up 4-1 against the Mets and blow the lead after throwing the ball around the entire field like a bunch of Little Leaguers. Change the channel. The Sixers don't seal the deal in a game that's best summed up by some dude over at the 700 level as one in which "it seems like it's actually both teams that are losing but your team's losing the most."

While the Flyers have been asleep for weeks and hopes weren't high for the Sixers to begin with, the Phillies have been taking a toll on my heart since the beginning of April. Outside of their general lack of consistent offense and defense, the Phillies even managed to taint some of this season's best moments. They couldn't come through for Cliff Lee after he tossed ten shutout innings or for Chooch after he heard Doc calling in the air tonight and responded with seven RBIs.

I know I'm not the only one sad enough to dial Delilah on account of bad baseball. Nadine's been too bummed to blog since Ryan Howard fell over. Still, the same thoughts are relevant now: Did we do this to ourselves? Did we break our own hearts? And why are we going to do it again next year?

I don't know, but listening to songs about love, especially love lost, helps.

Everybody plays the fool sometimes, and more often than not in Philadelphia. I guess it just comes with the territory.

You've Got to Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive

The Phillies have finished April second to last in the NL East after going splitsies with the always terrible Chicago Cubs. They are under .500 for the first time since 2007. The losses that comprise their 11-12 record have been described as "morning-after-St.-Patrick's-Day ugly" and have inspired such existential work as "The Phillies' Mediocrity Unique in Readjusted Reality." It's been hard to watch, and even harder to watch without the TV on mute. I don't know how many times I've yelled at Wheels through the TV to, "Just drop it already!" Seriously! What a Negative Nance!

If the lyrics of "High Hopes" have taught me anything, it's that ants, in fact, can move rubber tree plants as long as they're upbeat ants. Sure, it's been an ugly April, but it all hasn't been ugly. Has it? Let's talk positives.

Here's a list of a few things outside of the usual aces that have kept me afloat as a Phillies fan in the Great Depression:

Joe Blanton: It's not just that I can imagine him literally floating in a doughnut tube that's strawberry frosted with sprinkles, Blanton's looked good lately. In his last game against the Cubs, he struck out eight, walked none, and instilled confidence in many. Let's hope that the Happy Joe Blanton emoticon comes out more often than not this year and that Joe gets the second home run of his career sometime soon. :)=

Juan Pierre: It's taken me a while to come around to Juan Pierre, but it's hard to argue against a player that's consistently getting on base when the Phillies need base runners. Sure, they're consistently singles, but they're something. Plus, based on how many times Dolis threw back to first and didn't get Pierre last night, I think he's becoming a little smarter on the base path.

Wigginton-Nix: Okay, so these dudes look like they could show up, beer can in hand, ready to hit it into the next field for your neighborhood bar's softball team. While it's still too early in the season to say whether or not they'll prove more successful than "Buckingham Nicks" as an album or romantic relationship, they have been two of the most productive offensive players on the Phillies to date. You read that right.

Jonathan Papelbon: Like him or hate his alter ego, Papelbon is now tied for the most saves in the National League with Craig Kimbrel of the Braves at eight. While I can't help but cringe every time T-Mac refers to Paps as "Cinco Ocho", I am constantly wowed by the man. This has led to the development of two alternative things to chant after Paps closes a game out: "Papelbon! Papelbon! Papelbon!" inspired by Seinfeld's Izzy Mandelbaum, and "Fuck that shit! Paps Blue Ribbon!" inspired by this scene from Blue Velvet and the fact that it's just damn fun to shout. Try it after number nine!

Freddy Galvis: While he's been great in the field so far, he's struggled with his at bats, mainly because he's young, new to the majors, and still likes swinging at the high ones. Still, if there's any reason to watch the Phillies right now, it's for Freddy Galvis. He's likeable and you want him to succeed. This attitude is best summed up here in which rooting for Galvis is compared to rooting for Squints at the swimming pool. "You put logic aside and yell like hell, even if you think he is out of his league."

Dollar dogs: They still exist! Phew!

Franzke and LA: If T-Mac and Wheels get you more down than the Phillies' lack of hits, just turn on the radio. 1210 on the AM dial's just a few seconds off the TV broadcast. Don't believe it's worth it? Check out this gem!

The Flyers: If the Phillies have got you so down you can't even find solace in listening to LA and Franzke, take a break from the Phillies. Watch some hockey. The last series between the Flyers and Penguins was described as "Yankees-Red Sox, on Ice" and proved to be way more exciting.

Chooch: Chooch just being Chooch always makes it all okay. He's come through big time when the Phillies have needed him most both at and behind the plate. Outside of his two RBIs last night, he had a three RBI, one homer performance on Saturday. Score one for the regulars! Plus, look at how adorable he looks in this suit.

While it doesn't feel like any of the Phillies' awkward parts currently make sense together, I still have high hopes that Cholly-San will figure out a lineup that works. Plus, it has to only be up from here for the Phillies' more likely heroes- J-Roll, Polly, Pence, and even that Flyin' Hawaiin.

It's best not to take it all too seriously. Who would have predicted that the 2008 team would have brought Philadelphia its second World Series? What about the inversely proportional relationship between the Phillies' regular season performance and how far they made it in the playoffs since then? Who knows what's going to happen next? It's too early to tune out.

Radio, Radio

Click on Uncle Wip for
a history of 610 WIP

On my drive into work this morning, I was startled by a loud and crystal clear Angelo Cataldi screaming at me through the FM dial. What followed was a cheesy sound collage, mixing clips of Vance Worley striking out Braves with Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." Rookie Vance Worley strikes out Chipper Jones looking! and Bump... Bump! Bump! Bump! It's the eye of the tiger. While Angelo's raspy voice and Rocky-inspired montages of the Phillies beating the Braves normally make sense with my first cup of coffee, something was missing. Where was the glorious crackling of that AM static?

610 WIP made the move over to the 94.1 FM the day after Labor Day, replacing classic rock station 94 WYSP with sports talk radio 94 WIP, trading the annoying Danny Bonaduce for the annoying Angelo Cataldi. While it's undeniably awesome that WIP's expanding its reach to a bigger and younger audience, I'm glad that it still has a place on the AM dial for old souls like myself. "This just isn't right," my boyfriend turned to me and said as we listened to people call into the soundless void, applauding Vance Worley's greatness. (He is pretty great, now 11-1 after leading the Phillies to their 14th consecutive win with him on the mound last night.)

After switching back and forth between 94 WIP and 610 WIP about ten times, I eventually settled on the imperfect static that was there with me the night the Phillies won the World Series and the morning Cliff Lee was signed. Call me old fashioned, but there's just something comforting about that static.

Harry Kalas, Friend to All

Philadelphia said goodbye to good friend Harry Kalas, voice of the Phillies, two years ago today. Harry the K was in the Nationals press box when he collapsed several hours before the start of the home opener for the Nationals. Harry's Phillies went on to beat the Nationals 9-8 that day after taking drags of his brand in tribute - Parliaments, which he called "heaters."

Let's hope that the Phillies win another one for HK tonight as Doc goes 9-0 with the Nationals. Until then, light up a "heater," crack open a cold one, and listen again to one of the best voices in baseball here. Baseball Voices also put together a terrific CD featuring some of HK's most memorable calls, available for purchase here—highly recommended next time you're found with your head on the ground, gettin' low, or feelin' bad.

Kerplop!

Radio Days

Opening day cannot come soon enough. With more cold on the way and the most depressing day of the year still to come (January 24th or Blue Monday which is a "scientific fact" according to the internet and New Order), I've begun counting down the days, hours, and seconds until the Phils take on the Astros at 1:05 PM on April 1st.

Thanks to the folks over at The700Level and those awesome dudes on 610 WIP, the wait for April has become slightly more bearable due to this wonderful audio montage of Phillies highlights from 2010.

While the ending does not change no matter how many times you play it through (I'm on my fifth listen and Howard's still watching that meatball go by), it's bound to get you pumped about 2011 as memories of 2010 loop in your head.

Call me old fashioned, but there's something special to be said about radio. Seriously. Radio's great. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to experience the first half of the winning World Series game for the 2008 Phils during the most poorly timed power outage of all time, or have been able to ignore those annoying announcers on TBS and FOX during last year's postseason. Oh, and I will never forget driving into work last month sipping my coffee, watching the snow fall, and listening to an excited Philadelphia call into the 610 morning show with Angelo Cataldi after the Cliff Lee news hit. "Those fat Yankees fans will be eating flapjacks this morning, drowning their sorrows in carbohydrates," he said. Ah, the memories.

Baseball man Bill Veeck once said, "There are only two seasons- winter and Baseball". This is ringing especially true in the coldest and most depressing of months and in the wake of how the Birds played last night. So until opening day, it's going to be a lot of sitting around with my coffee and the radio, daydreaming about the Phillies of yesteryear.