Raul Ibanez, End of an Era

Raul Ibanez finally ended his epic 0-35 slump two nights ago. He went on to hit this solo home run to right field in last night's game against the Nats. Had the slump continued, Raul could have beat out Bill Bergen's record for the longest slump among non-pitching players in baseball history. Bergen went 0-46 with the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1909. So yeah, it could have been worse, but not much worse. Raul ended up going 3-for-4 as the Phillies chugged Natty Lites and crushed the cans on their foreheads. Final score: 7-4.

Since the beginning of the Great Slump, a lot has happened. I, like many of you everyday people, filed my taxes and shortly after spent all of my returns on necessary beers and wings that helped with Flyers watchability. The southern United States experienced one of the worst tornadoes in US history, rendering many homeless and the Phillies Oswaltless. Phanatics witnessed the fall of Joe Blanton and the rise of Vance Worley. Oh yeah, and our country also found and killed Osama bin Laden! USA! USA! USA!

I'm just happy that the search for Raul's swing is finally over. Tonight let us rejoice in Rauuuul howls at the moon and hope that the man stays hungry and true to his at-bat music about British werewolves:


Raaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream Job for Everyday People

Baseball fanatic? Check! Engaging, fun personality? It depends on the audience, but check!!! (Note the number of fun exclamation points.) Desire to spend an entire year thinking about baseball? I thought caring about baseball was ingrained into the human experience, so I guess that's a check for me and every other human being on earth.

Lucky for all us baseballfolk, MLB.com will be giving one person the opportunity to "eat, sleep, and live baseball" this season. Click here if you're interested in living the American dream. Nadine and I would apply, but we mainly work pro bono. Plus, we're holding out for an opportunity to get paid to "drink, sleep, and live baseball." Scratch that. I'm now being told that Nadine promised her mom that she'd apply, so I'm going to continue to wait for a paid opportunity to "drink, sleep, and live baseball" while routing for Team Vassallo. Go Nadine!

While the "responsibilities" listed on the website are in large part awesome—going to baseball games, developing basic thoughts, and partying in the big leagues—it does seem like taking the job would require selling your soul to Major League Baseball. That is, if you haven't done so already. The job requires living "in a location picked by MLB in New York City for the entire baseball season." Call me a skeptic, but who knows where the MLB gods would keep you? I, for one, am imagining lying awake every night in a dimly-lit room covered in portraits of A-Rod centaurs, kept up by disembodied voices telling me to build things. Other than that, I'd agree with the MLB. Total dream job.

I just hope that some deserving diehard baseball fan like me, Nadine, or you wins out over some kissass Joe Buck type with the look and the voice. You know, everyday people:



The only thing that could make this better, or at least more entertaining, is if next year the MLB decides to assign a bunch of local diehards as broadcasters for the teams they grew up with.

Different strokes for different folks and so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby.

It makes you wonder what the face of the Phillies would look like—or worse, what it would sound like. I'm thinking the owner of my favorite neighborhood bar or Sonny Forriest Jr.