Why Don't You Drink F***ing Beer?

My uncle—and lifelong Philly sports fanatic—Mark* has a great strategy for dealing with being bored, which I, incidentally, very often am while I'm at work. A game that never gets old and never goes out of season: Let's Start A Rumor. It is in the spirit of that game that I bring you this post...

It all started when I was browsing the archives of fellow punk Phillies blog The Big Sharkey Show and came upon a reference to the SF Giants' Brian Wilson and the suggestion that the infamous beardo/weirdo was nailed to the X, that is to say, dedicated to the straight edge lifestyle. Really, you ask???? Would you allow this to happen without the aid of alcohol? However, some cursory searching quickly brought a few points to my attention:

Doesn't Wilson look weirdly like Greg Dobbs here?

1) Brian Wilson's crossed arms gesture after every save looks suspiciously like the straight edge X. Wilson explains the gesture as a simultaneous tribute to his late father, a mixed martial arts clothing line, and his Christianity: "when I cross my arms, I have my left hand in the fist and my right hand goes underneath pointing with my finger. What I’ve taken into my own belief is that this finger represents one man. The fist represents the power of the Holy Trinity: the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost ... So I basically give respect to the ultimate fighting world and I also give respect to Christ, the audience of one that I play for." I've always suspected that straight edge kids are actually secret Jesus freaks!

2) The same article further explains that Brian Wilson wears a t-shirt bearing the crossed arms/X design under his uniform while he pitches. Win or lose, he's still nailed to the X.

3) Finally, Wilson's Wikipedia page** clears things up: "Wilson ... adheres to a Straight Edge way of life ... As a sign of his choice of being Straight Edge, Wilson has the words "Straight Edge" tattooed along the length of his torso, Japanese characters on his shoulder that read "Poison Free," and "XXX" stitched on his ... glove as a straight edge symbol" !!!!

In conclusion, I have only one thing to the straight edgers of the world, and I will say it in the words of Murphy's Law:

* Other things my uncle Mark is famous for: "inventing" the slogan "the only band that matters" to describe The Clash, a boo so legendarily loud Pete Rose himself tipped his hat from first base, and actually punching me on Christmas when I said I'm not an Eagles fan (sorry!!).

** The Wilson mentioned here may or may not actually be Brian.